55. Space, Time, and Attention

I’d like you to consider what is real in this moment, that is, what actually exists, and what of the things that exist actually matter, and what makes things matter. We tend to think of reality in terms of space and of things in space. We think of people and places that matter to us. We accumulate possessions, things in drawers and closets that we care about or once cared about. We move from room to room in our homes, into spaces that we maintain for different purposes. So the sense of what is there for us in each moment is bound up with this sense of space, and we have digital lives that take place in virtual spaces. And we can now see distant places on earth in real time without having to travel. We can communicate with people who are elsewhere, but they are real to us by reference to their being in space. And if you believe that God exists, well then the question becomes, where? The reality of anything seems to entail its existence in space. And it’s because abstract quantities like numbers violate this principle that their existence becomes so hard to think about. In what sense does the number seven exist? That becomes philosophically interesting and even inscrutable because existence is so bound up with our sense of space. And time hovers over all of this like a ghost. In one sense it’s another abstraction based on the reality of change. All things that exist seem to change, and one thing causes or cancels another. It’s based on these changes that we form a picture of time. Now we can get closer to the truth by importing time into our thinking about things. We can think in terms of processes rather than things. We can turn nouns into verbs. You as a person are not really a thing. You’re a process. You’re a stream of actions and experiences. And your moment to moment engagement with the world of things and ideas changes you. You acquire new skills and opinions and desires and concerns. You’re not precisely who you were yesterday, and you don’t exactly know who you’ll be tomorrow. And look at what matters to you. Your relationships. A relationship isn’t a thing. It’s built upon experiences with another person. And a career isn’t a thing. And your health isn’t a thing. Everything you experience is made of moments in time. But the real significance of time is not what happens on the calendar or on the clock, but in our minds. The true source of profundity is attention. What is the cash value of time? We all know what it’s like to guard our time, but then to squander it by not paying attention to that which would have made the time we guarded valuable. It’s always amusing to see a group of people who’ve decided to be together for whatever reason. Perhaps they’re having lunch in a restaurant, but most or even all of them are buried in their phones. The real coincidence of space and time that is meaningful is attention. Think of some possession or place that you love. Some quantity of space that gives you pleasure. Perhaps it’s a work of art you have on your wall, or a piece of jewelry, or a place in nature, a beach or a mountain. Perhaps there’s a restaurant or bookstore that you’d be sad to know you would never see again. Let’s say you maintain this connection to this object or place for the rest of your life. What is its real significance? How is it possible to grasp it and take pleasure in it? How can it matter to you? All of this is a play of attention. This object or place exists for you and matters to the degree that it captures your attention, precisely to that degree. You like to look at it, or hold it, or think about it. The real pleasure isn’t in the object. It’s in your mind. It’s a matter of what it feels like to give this thing your attention. And this is where meditation reveals its real power. True profundity is to be found not in garden space, or even time. The real profundity is being able to use attention in a way that is truly rewarding. You’re only as free as your attention is. If you’re lost in thought, even in a holy place, on a holy day, or in formal meditation, or on your honeymoon, or at a child’s birthday party, or at work, you might as well be anywhere, because for that moment you are well and truly lost. If on the other hand you’re recognizing the nature of consciousness, it also doesn’t matter where you are or what time it is, because the moment is profound. It’s in this middle place where you’re distracted with the objects and people and places that matter to you, where it really does seem to matter what you have and where you are. Your attention is bound up with what you’re seeing and hearing and thinking in a way that plays upon your preferences and your hopes and your fears. Think of the moment when you notice that your new car is dented, or the jacket you love has a ketchup stain on it, or your checking account has less money in it than you expected. The team you were rooting for just won the championship, or you just finished a project that you’ve been working on for months, or happy hour just ended but the waiter will still take your order, and those are the best tacos on earth. We mostly live in this place with attention bound up with what we want and what we don’t want, what we expect, what we’re surprised to find, and then our minds continually wander into thoughts about the past and the future. And in our wandering we lose awareness of the very things we want and have been busily gathering and guarding and may even have in hand that best taco on earth hits your tongue and you taste it, sort of, and then your attention races away to something else in space or time, or merely within the space and time of your imagination. Think about what matters and how it’s possible for something to matter. Many of us have thought about what we would grab from our homes in a fire. Just imagine it, your family is safely on the street and you have a chance to grab something. What would it be? Photos? A computer? Your father’s watch? You can’t fit much in your hands. In some sense we’re always in this situation, we’re always deciding what to grasp. What matters? What is worth paying attention to in this moment? Because you can only pay attention to one thing at a time and it’s only meditation that gives you a choice about what to grasp and what to let go of. It’s as though we continually wake up in the burning house of the present, only to find that we’re holding and even struggling under the weight of some worthless object. That’s what bickering with your spouse is like. That’s what rumination is like. That’s what most of our worrying is like. That’s what comparing ourselves to others is like. That’s what envy and regret are like. That’s what pride is like. I mean, really, the tape gallery was on fire and rather than rescue a Picasso or Da Vinci, you risked your life to grab some chairs from the coffee shop. Without a meditation practice, you will just find yourself holding something, staggering under some burden again and again, reacting to something, brooding about something, fixating on something helplessly without a choice, without the possibility of choice. Meditation is nothing more or less than the art of choice. It’s the art of paying attention to what really matters.